What gifts I love.

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For me it's something cute when you receive something you can share. If I receive something expensive, I think that your are exaggerating my importance, since that is something I can not share. Imagine a gold jewel with my name. How can I share that with someone? It is too individualized. How can I share a book of poems dedicated to me with someone? Or a Linux distribution made for me?

Well, about the latter, I have no problems as long as it is a distribution that solves the problems of others. Just have the courage to follow it after my death.

In the past, I did not used to think much about myself. I was aware that everything was me, and me was everything. All humanity was me. And I got angry when they had a lot of consideration towards me. Because when they gave me something, I wanted to employ it for something else instead of my own pleasure, and that's something they could not understand about me.

Imagine that they give me a jewel; well, then I will sell it to donate to children with cancer. And that would be my happiness. But the one who gives me the jewel, does not understand my happiness, and illogically, he would get angry.

What I value in a gift is that in that gift represents something more important than my own existence. I mean, a gift only thinking about me is not worth, because I as a person do not have much importance; one of these days I'm going to die. They are giving me dust, because I am dust. Selfishness is death, dust. Together we are life. This is not an ideology, it's how I really feel.

When my own death comes

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There is not such a thing like death. Where do we come from and were are we going, a place where words, time and space don't exist. You are the Universe, and the Universe is you. The indisputable condition of the human being which paint the life with pain and sorrow, the separation. Separated to God as for eating the forbidden fruit, you are separated from your mother from the moment you become aware of your own existence.

The original sin? Oedipus complex? Dukkha in Buddhism? Everything is separation.


The Buddhism clearly says that the source of unhappiness arise from the crave and clinging. The crave, longing and wish are identified with the lack. You are always separated of your wish or object of desire. Love, all religions and psychology are aware of the universal problem of the human being.

The abrahamic religions emphasize that everything is with God and for God, who is the path for salvation. But then God have became into a concept, the God you know is dead. You don’t need the ten commandments, Christ summarized in the love, and you don’t need to learn a lot about the Bible, Christ was direct and preached what really is God: God is love.

If you separate the teachings of Christ from the rest of the Bible, then God is no more the Universe creator and who is deciding our lives.

If you separate Christ, then God is only: unlimited forgiveness, turning the other cheek if someone strikes you, reducing the ten commandments to love. Sacrifice in struggling for the true until the end.

The Soul and Death

When I die I will lose everything I did, who I am and all the people I met. With dying I only demonstrate that I'm only a temporal being just like the waves of the sea.

My soul is the most real part of me, but I’m not my soul alone. I’m the sum of many things. Such as my epoch, the people surrounding me, what I do, my genetics, my destiny, the food I eat, the environment, but nothing of that is part of my soul.

We have to learn how to flow in the life, we have to be light and unattached.

Polarity of the Universe

The universe has polarity, i.e, it’s consist of both chaos and order. The quantum possibilities or waves, are the chaos, and the order is the observation, awareness. What we call the heart is the unconscious, chaotic; what we call the reason, is the conscience, its order.

By example in a relationship, there the feminine tends to be unstable whereas the masculine tends to be stable.

Being chaos caused in our heart, as in physics, the conscious mind is what originates the order.

The conscious mind is need for the creating of particle as well as the creation of art.

The real transformation comes from changing the unconscious into conscience. Did you control your mind, or your mind controls you? You can regain the power that the unconscious has over you with awareness. In the life you have to be wary of the Smith agent of the matrix where we live, also known as Mara according to Buddha. Depending of source can be called archons or Satan, with represents the same. These beings hypnotizes us and make us living into illusions.

The positive thoughts attract the fortune, the negative ones the misfortune.

Leer en español.

My life with methylphenidate

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Methylphenidate is a dopamine reuptake inhibitor. Present in the List of Schedule II drugs, along with cocaine and methamphetamine. It is usually prescribed for treat narcolepsy and ADHD. It is not addictive in the tablet form, however inhaled or injected is virtually distinguishable of cocaine. It has a high risk for abuse and addiction.

The following will based in a treatment with a proper medical prescription:

It considerably stimulates. In the process of adapting to methylphenidate, the body may present sweating, agitation, accelerated heart rate, dilated pupils among other side effects. In some rares cases death or heart attack.

In a long term, if the patient is unstable, it could lead to obsessive, paranoid, depressive behaviors and even suicide. On the other hand, with an adequate follow-up, improves motivation and attention.

The artificial motivation boost the performance in the sports and the tasks, that is to say, everything related to the logic and the physical activities; however, it comes with a loss of spontaneity and natural inspiration.

My experience

It gave me tachycardia and excessive sleepiness when I stopped using it. I got addicted to coffee and chocolate. In fact, I liked to mix chocolate with coffee and when I didn’t do so, I felt terrible. I loved to smell the coffee grains with all my being and I sighed with satisfaction. Later I needed to eat chocolate each one or two hours.

When I started taking it again, as if by magic, I stopped needing chocolate and my tachycardia was gone. A tablet of methylphenidate is like eating chocolates all the day, rather like driking a powerful coffe that last all the day. When I don’t take it and I’m feeling dizzy, I buy a Red Bull can to feel good.

This must not be done -specially if you had never taken the methylphenidate before-, but I just put a little in powder form under my tongue and it felt so elevated, everything is accelerated. I’m looking at the void, just as longing for it, I don’t have words for describing it, but after that experience everything is colorless, boring or non-sense.

You must not take alcohol with methylphenidate because it could cause and adverse reaction. But I’m just too curious, to tell you the truth, the alcohol doesn’t affect me at all because the methylphenidate cancels the alcohol. However, I seldom drink. What it takes to make someone drunk only makes me feel a bit sleepy and my balance is still perfect. However the acetaldehyde affects me the same as any person, I mean, it is not funny to be thirsty and have to take 5 cups of coffee to get back to the normality.

We, the people with ADHD, are four times more prone to get addicted to drugs. So it would explain my addictive behavior. But I think that it really made addict, let’s be realistic, all these things aren’t normal. Some people is more addictive than others.

My opinion

It’s part of me, it made what I’m. I lived long time struggling against it, I used to said it wouldn’t allow me to be truly myself. I think that a part of my is artificial, artificial or natural is part of me though. You may lose your bearings with methylphenidate, so you don’t know who you are.

Who am I? How is it possible to ask to yourself this? How can I live with memories of two different persons at the same time? I want to delve more into this question. Imagine that you have an accident and you lose your brain, then you have a brain transplant with all your old memories transferred to your new brain. Would you be the same person? I think yes, but it would be like having a new mind. With a new brain you will experience new things, new feelings, as if you were another person.

Then you’ll wonder if you died in that accident -and you are a new person-, or you are still the same person.

Now imagine that your mind is the Schrödinger’s cat , you are an alive and death cat at the same time. Which one is the real? Is even something considered real?

These days I discovered the reversibility of the mind. Our mind state depends on a wheel or a chain of conditions. Buddhism teach about conditioned things, as saṅkhāra. “All is conditioning”. Then I discovery that if we eliminate the causes of a conditioning, we could move in reverse in the levels of the mind. Thus, move into a level less restrained by conditioning. I told you this because I lived in reserve many years the last months, feelings and thoughts that I had thought disappeared are still there.

Then I realized that the mind is a computer -the body’s computer- since it can be programmed with beliefs, its conditioned, and of course can be artificially modified.

If the human being, all what a person is, is reduced to a computer, then truly I told you that we live in a vile matrix. But the crazy, the philosophers, the drug addicts and the spiritual people share one thing, we all are in the pursuit of the world of Forms. Dying at every moment, losing everything, unintelligible, that is what life is like.

To give my opinion it was important to philosophize ; I think that methylphenidate is kind of a risky medicine to take, however it is beneficial day by day. It help me a lot since I have the autism spectrum disorder with attention deficit. I couldn’t be more disconnected of world, autistic and distracted.

I understand the risk, and it’s wise that the parents choose to avoid it. So I think that everything is up to the parents, they have to talk with the doctor and choose what they think is the better for their children. Please avoid it if possible and rather choose therapies, instills love to sports and arts to your children.

100 things about me

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This is a translation: Original (2016)

100. My favorite catch-phrase is Happy-Lucky.

99. I got relaxed when I'm supposed to be in a hurry.

98. I loved Shigatsu, it touched me deeply. Now it's my favorite anime❤❤

97. I wanna read the Jinrui and Zombie Loan manga, but  haven't managed to read them.

96. I happened to installed Katawa Shoujo and it was profound and meaningful.

95. I'm a drama queen.

94. Katawa Shoujo was my first visual novel.

93. I definitively prefer Android  before Iphone.

92. I suck at OSU!

91. I wanted to learn about video games but now I'm not interested anymore.

90. My dream is to visit Paris because I believe that is my destiny and it's a great place.

89. I think that the Katawa Shoujo's school resembles the mine.

88. Everyday I'm willing to change a bit and change the way of doing everything.

87. I am ambidextrous.

86. I was bewildered by Neon Genesis Evangelion , it made me to see  things different.

85.  I'd love to be an idol just as Takamine Mion, she's amazing.

84. I love the Key series that are Clannad, Little Busters, Kanon, Angel Beats, Rewrite.

83. I love to know people that think really different to me.

82. I believe that a person changes significantly when they is with people. I wanna be a positive influence.

81. Sometimes I see myself as a resplendent person, who radiates energy.

80. Always I'm willing to negotiate when we have problems.

79. I try to put myself in the other's shoes or try to perceive things with another perspective.

78. I like Psychology, I like to read self improvement books an things like that.

77. I takes me a lot of effort to do something I don't want to do. I used to said that it was impossible for me to do so.

76.  My favorite desktop environment is Cinnamon, but I'd rather learn how to design my own themes instead of just using it.

75. I use Linux.

74. I want to learn programming in Python because it's very useful in Linux and for doing funny things.

73. I learned how to use Linux obsessive compulsively.

72. My hobby is customizing my desktop and modifying themes.

71. I get along easily with people younger than me.

70. I like the fashion games.

69. I always know what to do, I usually do not plan things, I always improvise.

68. I have a lot of creativity but I haven't given the most of me.

67. I like to download the soundtracks of my favorites animes.

66. I'm obsessed with the improvement, I always thing that everything can be done better.

65. I love the debates, in the boring classes I like to ask a lot of questions to the teacher. Maybe in this way we can pay attention in the class.

64. I like to try new things in a unexpectedly way.

63. I can easily collapse due to my feelings.

62. I love to smell the coffee and I love the chocolate.

61.  I don't resist to the charm of cats, even so I like so much the dogs. Indeed I love to take pictures to any animal I find in my way.

60. I think birds are the most beautiful animals that exist.

59. I love animes that are like a tale, or at least, have a fantastic touch.

58. TV is boring, I prefer the Internet.

57. I think that is impossible to be disliked , so I'm astonished when someone happen to block me.

56. Sometimes the difficult things are easy for me.

55. I hate the morning schedule, rather I like the afternoon schedule. In this way I watch the sunrise and have my breakfast with easy pace.

54. I used to use a silver necklace with a heart.

53. I'm always serious, my humor sense is too bland, so that's the reason I dislike many new animes.

52. I prefer to watch old animes instead the new ones that are being aired.

51. I am not weeb (original term: otaku), I just like the anime, though that is not a big deal.

50.  I have many ways to learn, I learn in all possible ways ^^, writing summaries, reading, study in teams, asking, just watching...

49. I just love being called chan, as Daya-chan.

48. I like the expressive music, I like the J-pop and also the K-pop.

47.  I want to learn how to make origami and Japanese.

46. I like to use nicknames in English.

45. I identify myself a lot with the main characters in my favorites animes.

44. I love the paninis, the vegetarian paninis are delicious.

43. I think that we should be vegan, we would do less harm to the environment with less cows, we should not eat hamburgers.

42. Momo is a book that I love, it is about a girl that has the virtue of listening. It will change your life.

41. I think that the life has to have a deep meaning and not necessarily the meaning that you want.

40.  I can eat a tomato ❤, I only put salt on it.

39. I am always wondering about the meaning of the nicknames of everyone.

38. I don't think that Hitler is as bad as we think, I'm not saying that he was a good guy but the winners write the history.

37. I eat apples every day, I love the strawberries and cherries.

36. I write my personal diary in my cellphone with an special app.

35. I charge my cellphone twice by day.

34. I don't know much about electronic music, even so I like that people share that music with me.

33. I think that Gentoo is easy and I think it is unfair  that people say otherwise.

32. I love the Emperper drawings in Deviantart.

31. I'm fan of the amuto pictures.

30. I like the kiwis, the bananas and the honey pineapples.

29. I love to make easy the hard things, so that I take care to make very original themes in Linux.

28. I'd like that the day had more hours.

27. I like a lot to use Twitter.

26. I'm  distracted and my time flies away.

25. I love so much the Vocaloid's music. Miku sings my favorites songs.

24.  I like when the games are easy to understand and play.

23. I think that Suzumiya Haruhi can be easily understood despite of everything.

22. I'd like someday be like Georgina Besley developing my own games.

21. I'd like develop my own graphical interfaces.

20. Crimson is my favorite red shade.

19. I think that Mozart is the best musician that ever existed, even tough many could say that is Beethoven or someone similar.

18. I have used more than 10 Linux distros such as Debian, Fedora, OpenSUSE, Slackware, Arch, etc

17. I have the same model of cellphone than my boyfriend.

16. I'd love to be Elody and live in a magic world, and then become in queen, it'd be very exciting but with no resting.

15. Eze had changed my world ❤

14. I want to buy a clock of Korean style fashion.

13. I'm depressed in winter and hyper in summer.

12.  I like the stocking of different styles, specially the ones with line patterns.

11.  I like to thing in deep stuff and I'm thinking in doing something all the time.

10.  I have a cushion of Shugo Chara and some figures as Nadeshiko, Amu and Utau.

9. I have some posters of vocaloid

8. Once I put a hard disk of 1TB to my netbook.

7.  I love the Compiz effects, the well-known 3D cube.

6. I would like to have a Rozen Maiden doll, maybe Shinku.

5. Once my ex-boyfriend wanted to suit me.

4. I love the geography and  astronomy.

3. I want to learn how to play panpipes, the recorder is easy and play again the piano.

2. Every day I want to be authentic and  impress my signature

1. I like to eat ice cream in winter.

My loved music March

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Classified in : Music Tags : none

Nerve Impulse ナーヴ・インパルス - ポリスピカデリー feat. 闇音レンリ _ Police Piccadilly

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[MV] REOL - ちるちる _ ChiruChiru


お気に召すまま - Eve MV

〔れをる〕 システマティック・ラヴ 〔歌ってみた〕

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【GUMI ENG】 She Could Be Satan, For All I Know 【VOCALOID Original】

〔れをる〕 妄想税 〔nqrse〕

[Vocaloid Original Song] Your Anxiety [Gumi English]

【SeeU】하늘나라 반창고【오리지널】

【GUMI Vocaloid】Lovesongs【80s Remix】

[SEEU] 홀로서는 나는 초라하지 않아

〔れをる〕 アストロノーツ 〔歌ってみた〕

【Hatsune Miku】The Name of the Sin 罪の名前 PV【English Subtitles】


[Vocaloid Original] GUMI - Y.A.M [Megpoid V4 English]

【Hatsune Miku】My R わたしのアール PV【English Subtitles】

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